WARNING: This product contains nicotine.
Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

WARNING: This product contains nicotine.
Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

SPOTLIGHT: Cuttwood E-Liquid Unicorn Milk

June 04, 2019

SPOTLIGHT: Cuttwood E-Liquid Unicorn Milk

We have a special treat for our readers today We spoke to the founder & CEO of Cuttwood Vapors and were granted a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit their Unicorn Farm in Southern California! We wanted to share some information about our visit, and do a quick overview of how much care goes into each bottle of Unicorn Milk, arguably the most popular flavor that has ever been on the e-liquid market.

You may have noticed that on the product page for Unicorn Milk it is revealed that the Unicorn milk comes to you fresh from their grass-fed, hormone free Unicorn farm. You might expect that the e-juice is ready to vape straight from the unicorn, but this is actually a bit of a misunderstanding that we would like to clear up. It turns out, Cuttwood E-Liquid actually raises four distinct types of Unicorns on their farm. We can’t give away all of the details, but we can tell you there are four different cream flavors in each bottle of Unicorn Milk, and it turns out there are four breeds of Unicorns that each provide a distinct cream flavor. During the Unicorn milking process, the milk is collected in equal amounts, and it is combined to create the sweet creamy Unicorn Milk e-juice we have all grown to love.

I must say that the term “farm” does not do this place justice. Truly, these Unicorns live more lavish lives than most humans. Each Unicorn is free to wander the property at their leisure. There is a team of Unicorn masseuses on staff 24 hours a day if the unicorns want to relax. There is also a spa available, along with a sauna and steam room. The unicorns even have their own gym, with custom workout equipment such as kicking pads, four-legged stairmasters, and even a volleyball court. We noticed that the net had been taken down at the volleyball court and when we asked the tour guide he told us that the volleyballs had all been punctured within a week of them installing the net. They truly live a life of luxury, and you can really taste the happiness of those unicorns in the e-juice they contribute to making.

We had some one-on-one time with their unicorn therapist who is on-location five days a week. While it may sound odd to have a therapist on hand, it isn’t to help the unicorns who are having issues, but more to gauge the level of happiness they are experiencing as it is very important to Cuttwood E-Liquid and the quality of their product to keep the unicorns as happy as possible. I will say that the therapist was a bit out of touch with reality which is expected given the nature of her particular area of expertise, but she seemed fairly knowledgeable in her craft. We were given unicorn treats upon arrival (Which was actually just assorted candy) and would often have unicorns approach us gingerly to request some of the treats before continuing on their merry way. We did happen to ask the person giving us our tour if they planned to open the farm to visitors as nobody in the world has actually seen a live unicorn, but they said the unicorns, while seemingly quite social with us, are a bit shy around crowds and the effect of having regular tours would likely diminish the quality of their milk. Given the unquestionable quality and care that goes in to making their Unicorn Milk E-Liquid, we can hardly fault them for wanting to maintain the integrity of their product for their thousands of fans.

We hope you enjoyed the recap of our tour of Cuttwood E-Liquid’s Unicorn Farm. We want to thank them again for this unique opportunity to shed some light on their production process. You know what they say, good milk comes from happy unicorns, and happy unicorns, come from Cuttwood.

This article was drafted for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken seriously.

 


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